With the start of the new year, I thought I’d depart from my normal format and share a little of my heart with my faithful few.
I don’t know why I thought parenting would get easier the longer I was in it. Nobody ever told me it would be easy, but I guess I just thought the older my sons grew, the more they would do for themselves. You know the drill. The more they could do for themselves, the easier it was supposed to be, right? Well, there is some truth in my assumption, but the very thing that I thought would bring relief has brought with it so many unforeseen challenges. They’re growing independence certainly hasn’t always meant that things are easier.
My oldest son is nearing his senior year in high school, and on my days when I’m not prayed up, it’s frightening. I find myself cringing, fussing, and worrying over some big but mostly small things in the big scheme of things. After all, our first son will be leaving the nest in a little over a year, and I want him to be ready.
I found myself wanting to correct him (again), and decided to do a little therapeutic exercise to vent my true feelings. I’m not calling it a poem because it’s not literary, and it certainly doesn’t follow any correct poetic formula. It’s not really a letter, so let’s just say it’s a mother’s musings. I I hope that some of you mothers can relate. Thank you for allowing me to share my heart with you.
a mother’s musings
you’ll never know the joy
of a mother seeing her boy
smile, walk, talk, and grow
laugh, try, succeed and know
he is special, smart, and filled with love
from not only his parents but from God above.
you’ll never know the fear
of a mother who’s near
to releasing her son who longs to be free.
she swallows her tears to let him “be me.”
she longs for the admiration in his eyes
that she saw as a baby gripping her thigh.
you’ll never know the pride
that’s so hard to hide
when I see you try and make it
when I see you fail and take it
when I see you sit up and walk tall
when I watch you speak up and tell all
that you are becoming a man
and that you understand.
you’ll never know the nights I’ve prayed
that you would never be led astray.
my heart so full of dreams for you.
my love sunshine that beams for you.
when I’ve said the wrong thing at the wrong time
when I’ve spoken what you think is out of line,
remember my motives are always pure.
it’s only good that I want to endure.
remember God’s Word, and keep it.
do your best and believe it.
when your back is against the wall,
He’s there and will catch you when you fall.
never give up.
always look up.
don’t be down.
keep positive around.
let love abound.
shine your light.
bear good fruit.
lean to God.
know . . .
You are special, spectacular, significant, my son.
You are a gracious gift that God in His mercy gave me.
You are this and so much more.